Toilet Talk: The aftermath of the bombings

One day, at night, right after your CCA/lessons/whatever you suddenly had the urge for explosive toilet business. You rushed to the toilet and completed your task of creating a brown island in the middle of the Toilet Bowl sea. But now, you realized something important. There is no toilet paper! What should you do??

Conditions:
1. It is at night, a lot of people go home already. (you are not sure if that is ALL)
2. You spent a very long time completing your mission.
3. The only gadget you have is your hand phone and wallet.
4. You are alone in the toilet. (you are not sure if anybody will come in any moment)
5. Inside your wallet: 2 $50 notes, house keys, some coins, EZ link card, IC.
6. Your bag is not in the cubicle. 
7. Alright, your pants is brown. If that is a clue...

Options:
1. Call 999 for help! Your friends shall not abandon you stranded on the island!
2. Use your underwear to wipe! Then throw away that underwear!
3. Use... the... $50... 
4. Patiently wait for somebody to come in. And HOPE. HOPE!
5. Walk out of the cubicle bottomless, get some water from the basin. Wash.
Other (retarded) options:
6. Use your shirt to wipe.
7. Use your pants to wipe.
8. Use your house keys to wipe.
9. Use your coins to wipe.
10. Use your hand phone to wipe.
11. Use your wallet to wipe.
12. Use your IC/EZ link card to wipe.
13. Use your hands to wipe, then go wash your hands.
14. Wait for the brown stuff to harden, then go home.
15. Use the wall to wipe. Then wipe the wall later. 
16. Don't wipe. 
17. Others...

Sorry for coming up with such a topic(certainly not a good talk for around the coffee table)... was bored... But hey. At least i warned by stating Toilet Talk(and bombings). And not once have i said (the name of the brown). So what would you do?!