One day, at night, right after your CCA/lessons/whatever you suddenly had the urge for explosive toilet business. You rushed to the toilet and completed your task of creating a brown island in the middle of the Toilet Bowl sea. But now, you realized something important. There is no toilet paper! What should you do??
Conditions:
1. It is at night, a lot of people go home already. (you are not sure if that is ALL)
2. You spent a very long time completing your mission.
3. The only gadget you have is your hand phone and wallet.
4. You are alone in the toilet. (you are not sure if anybody will come in any moment)
5. Inside your wallet: 2 $50 notes, house keys, some coins, EZ link card, IC.
6. Your bag is not in the cubicle.
7. Alright, your pants is brown. If that is a clue...
Options:
1. Call 999 for help! Your friends shall not abandon you stranded on the island!
2. Use your underwear to wipe! Then throw away that underwear!
3. Use... the... $50...
4. Patiently wait for somebody to come in. And HOPE. HOPE!
5. Walk out of the cubicle bottomless, get some water from the basin. Wash.
Other (retarded) options:
6. Use your shirt to wipe.
7. Use your pants to wipe.
8. Use your house keys to wipe.
9. Use your coins to wipe.
10. Use your hand phone to wipe.
11. Use your wallet to wipe.
12. Use your IC/EZ link card to wipe.
13. Use your hands to wipe, then go wash your hands.
14. Wait for the brown stuff to harden, then go home.
15. Use the wall to wipe. Then wipe the wall later.
16. Don't wipe.
17. Others...
Sorry for coming up with such a topic(certainly not a good talk for around the coffee table)... was bored... But hey. At least i warned by stating Toilet Talk(and bombings). And not once have i said (the name of the brown). So what would you do?!
Toilet Talk: The aftermath of the bombings
Cleaning a bit...
Today, i was cleaning a bit of under my desk and behind my table. What i found was... my primary school drawing.
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Warning!!!!
Please do not open this this is highly luffable and toxic. Many have been polluted and even luffed to death.
Please open this if you wish to die.
You know what, lets open it.
What it writes:
Stupid story
Everybody knows that assembly is crap and should totally be cancelled... But yet we still do it. Why? We have absolutely no idea. Ok. Maybe because of the gahmen(government) and crap like that. but still, why the hell do we have to waste minutes waiting for assembly ( 10~20 for me) + assembly standing time? I could have gotten 40 minutes extra sleep...
I have a secret
I am a robot.
Yes. That is not fake. You must be thinking that i am too human to be a robot. That is not true. That is what happens when people trusts the media too much. In actuality the news reports... news... that need to go through procedures before they get published. And before a new technology gets to the news it must get researched as well. In 2006, the news published several robots that are already very capable.
Now imagine what happens 3 years later. And note that being exposed in 2006 means that it was researched before that. It is not surprising that technology allowing robots to live inside modern society already exists.
There is absolutely no way to tell that i am a robot until you do a surgery on me. My skin is made of silicone skin that makes it seems like real human flesh, and sensors are all over my body to so that i react to things. If you cut me i'll scream and red liquid will flow out to stimulate real blood(because my creators are sick bastards who want to completely create a robot human replica). Sometimes they do malfunction though, which also explains why i sometimes react slower to things. The technology is developed, but it is not yet perfect. If you notice Jules above, he reacts slow to things as well. He requires time to think like a human.
Why i failed physical fitness tests:
The technology isn't perfect, like i said. I am not able to do things physically as well as the average human yet.
My creators are focusing more on the mental aspects of the humans to develop before going on to the physical aspects. Which means, my emotions, reactions and such.
But... I never see your expression change!
Guess my creators didn't make the motions at my face too well. The emotions are still there though, which means its quite a success already. I also do feel pain though, but its kind of slow so only pain that lasts for some time will affect me.
Come to think of it, i seldom see you at lunch
I'm a robot... What do you expect? I sometimes still do eat though. To make people believe i am a human i need to eat at least some time. The truth is theres a space somewhere inside my body. I hate eating though, the stuff churns in my body and its a mess to clean after i chew. The stuff i need to dig out literally looks like shit.
So you don't need to sleep?
I do. Even computers can't keep running all the time. They will overheat and explode. Its the same thing. But as the system gets older and older it is more prone to viruses. And remember that more information will get loaded as well. Because of these information, my system will start to slow down as well, explaining why i am getting slower and slower everyday.
What can you do? And what can't you do?
I can't do many things... but i can complete many basic human functions that is able to fool people that i meet everyday. I can get sick as well, but its due to a different kind of virus than those that resides in human bodies. I can't reproduce though, its still developing, or maybe they don't have such ideas yet. But just look at Jules above. Its learning to reproduce... even though it can't.
Oh. Are there other robots like you? Living with humans?
Sure, there are. I overheard my creators talking about some other robot. I don't know how many there are and who they are though. But the problem is... my creators are working on a new robot and is completely disregarding me now. They don't have the time and money to waste on replacing my parts. As new robots are created the old robots are often recycled for material and the such. I know that i am soon dying(so to speak)... which will happen when the other robot gets completed.
Wait a minute... Whats the motive of your creators?
I have no idea. Maybe to secretly fill in the world with robots, and one day take over it while nobody realizes. Oh, if this was their motive then maybe my answer to not being able to reproduce may be false.
Like tomorrow suddenly you realize 60% of your friends are robots... and then...
SHIT! This is a big scoop! Who are your creators?!
I don't know their name. I simply refer to them as ''Prof''. Which means to say that everybody that i know the name of isn't my creator. Thats the only clue i can give. If i see their faces or hear their voices, i can identify them for you though.
And whats YOUR motive!!
Nothing. I know i am dying(so to speak) and am simply leaving some sort of evidence for somebody to acknowledge my existence as a robot.
...
Note: The above is all fake... Reading it again it might sound like a suicide note disguised in a ''What if i am a robot?'' blog post, but its not... Its just a brain poop.
Long time never post
And i talk about sex today. Today's post(after a very long time) is my feelings upon reading this article, a step by step illustration. Coloured in red.
Grandmother and grandson to have child togethe
HOLY SHT! Am i thinking what their thinking?
A 72-year-old grandmother is to have a child with her grandson.
By Roya Nikkhah
Published: 9:30AM BST 01 May 2010[/B]
Pearl Carter and Phil Bailey, 26, have paid a surrogate mother £20,000 to have Mr Bailey’s child, which the couple plan to bring up together.
Brain starts to collapse after seeing the word couple, confirming early suspicions.
Mrs Carter, from Indiana, met Mr Bailey four years ago after he tracked her down following the death of his mother, Lynette.
Mrs Carter fell pregnant with Lynette at 18, out of wedlock, and claims that she was forced to give her child up for adoption by her strict Catholic parents.
She went on to marry, but never had any more children.
The couple, who claim to be abused in public and could face prison for incest, say that they fell in love and became lovers soon after meeting.
F***!
In an interview with the New Zealand magazine, New Idea, Mrs Carter, said: “I’m not interested in anyone else’s opinion.
"I am in love with Phil and he’s in love with me. Soon I’ll be holding my son or daughter in my arms and Phil will be the proud dad.”
Mr Bailey said: “I love Pearl with all my heart. I’ve always been attracted to older women and I think Pearl is gorgeous. Now I’m going to be a dad and I can’t wait.
“Yes, we get laughed at and bullied when we go out and kiss in public but we don’t care. You can’t help who you fall for.”
Mrs Carter said that she searched for her lost daughter for many years, finally giving up hope 15 years ago. After Mr Bailey’s mother died from cancer, he decided to find his grandmother, finally tracking down her address and writing to her.
Mrs Carter, who was then single, said: “I was stunned to get his letter. My heart jumped that I’d be re-united with a grandson.
"When he emailed me a photo, I thought what a handsome and sexy man he was before pinching myself – he was my grandson. I wrote back immediately and included my phone number.
“From the first moment that I saw him, I knew we would never have a grandmother-grandson relationship. For the first time in years I felt sexually alive.”
Brain starts to poop out intestines as the words ''sexually alive'' is registered into the brain.
Mr Bailey, a carpenter, said that he too felt instant attraction towards his grandmother. He said: “I wanted to kiss her there and then. My feelings were overwhelming.”
After a night out during their first week of dating, Mrs Carter decided that she would no longer hide her feelings from her grandson.
She said: “I called Phil into my bedroom, sat him on the bed, and then I leant over and kissed him. I expected rejection but instead he kissed me back.
“Living with Phil as my life partner has been amazing. He cooks and cleans and we make love three times a week. We can’t keep our hands off each other.’
Brain begins to purify and cleans out everything related to sex. ''Make love'' + Grandmother + Grandson cannot be anything good for the mental health. Now that my brain is purified, make love does not mean anything to me...
A year ago, Mr Bailey announced that he wanted a child. Mrs Carter told him she was also desperate for a baby, but it was one wish that she could not fulfil as she had already gone through menopause.
The couple then decided to use Mrs Carter’s retirement money to find a surrogate mother and buy a donor egg to inseminate with Mr Bailey’s sperm.
They placed an advertisement asking for an open-minded surrogate, and Roxanne Campbell applied.
“Initially I was shocked,” said Miss Campbell, on learning the couple were related. “But they’re a brilliant pair and I saw how much they loved each other. I know the baby will be loved too.”
My purified brain tells me that love is beautiful. Every human should have the right to love anyone and no one has the right to stop them. Yes, the couple will be happy.
The couple sees Miss Campbell, 30, once a month and accompany her for scans.
Mrs Carter said: “I am just so happy. I am finally going to be a mum and not forced to give up my child.
“Phil’s going to be a great dad. I never in a million years thought at 72 I’d be 'pregnant' and in love with my grandson. I make no apologies and I believe God’s given me a second chance."
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/7662232/Grandmother-and-grandson-to-have-child-together.html
Phew... *looks at the picture again*. Yes, this is the beautiful love story of a grandson who loves his grandmother. It is a beautifu....... f........ theres no way this could be right... OTL
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