Remember all the times...

when u watched your favorite team of any game win the national cup, felt joy enough that you wanted to stand beside them, sharing the cup as if its also yours?

One man did it:

Don't worry if you don't understand Japanese. You can find a summary of what he did in wikipedia. This guy is Remi Gaillard. I don't have to tell you how amazing this prank is.

But i'll still tell you anyway.

1. He managed to fool some fools in the winning team...and more fools in the audience, without anyone going '' Who the hell are you?''

2. This one requires no censorship in the word, kids. Effie is not require here. He got the fucking

president to greet him, thinking his part of the winning team.

3. Fans of the team went to him for his signature. Despite not even knowing who he is.

4. When bringing up the winning cup in the audiences, still nobody identified him, as he pretended to be part of the team.

5. He ran with the team, around the field with the cup and towards the camera. Again, this requires no censorship. I like to think everybody holding the cup thought : '' Who are you? But who fucking cares?!'' Or maybe... ''Ah, his wearing the same shirt as i am. His in the same team.''

What all these said about them:

1 and 4,5. Players apparently don't spend much time remembering other people's faces. As long as your wearing the same shirt, your in the same team.

''Good work teammate.''

2. The French president doesn't give a hoot who is in the winning team. Little efforts such as remembering people's faces are unimportant once you are the president. Maybe.

3. Even Fans don't really remember faces well. This means that people are likely to remember only the more significant members in the team. But despite not knowing who the hell you are, people will still ask for your autograph as long as your part of the winning team.

Oh, and Gaillard is amazing for other things too. Just look at this.

Sure, you can do that 1 million times and get it to work like that at least once. But factor in that securities are present, forget doing it 1 million times without going into jail. In fact, you don't need the securities. Just remember that if the ball hits someone or something you shouldn't, someone or something else will be chasing you around with a chopper. Do i also need to remind you that the number of views for the video is (no censorship required again) 4 fucking million for stupid pranks.

Do you have the balls to do what he did? Or rather, do you have the money to buy the number of balls required to play this prank as everybody you pranked confiscates the ball? According to my accurate calculations, the money required is more if you don't have godly aiming skills.

Random jokes

During midnight, a bus driver continues driving. The only passenger left was a woman with long hair and white clothes. The driver continues driving... and then he caught a glimpse of the mirror. The woman was no longer there. He stopped the bus immediately and turned back. The woman was still there... Then the bus driver continued driving.

Then he saw the mirror, again the woman disappeared! He stopped the car again, turn back, the woman was still there, continued driving. One last time, he looked the mirror, no woman, stopped, turn back, woman still there. The bus driver was afraid. He broke out in cold sweat and started driving the car at full speed. Then he saw the woman walking towards him... with messy hair and a face full of blood. The driver was frozen with fear.

The woman in white whispered in a deep voice: '' What have i wronged you...? Every time i squatted to tie my shoes, you stopped the car to knock my head......''

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有一天魔王把公主抓走，公主就一直叫。。。

魔王：你尽管叫破喉咙吧！没有人会来救你的~

公主：破喉咙~破喉咙~

没有人：公主~我来救你了！

魔王:说曹操曹操就到！

曹操：魔王！你叫我干嘛？

魔王：哇牢! 看到鬼！

鬼：糟！被发现了

糟：胡说！谁发现了我？

谁：关我屁事？

魔王：Oh my GOD!

上帝：谁叫我？

谁：没有人叫你啊！

没有人：我哪有？

从此．．．

魔王精神分裂．．．

很冷，

小心感冒

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This iz crime story
5 frndz lived in a room
Namely
MAD
BRAIN
FOOL
NOBODY
SOMEBODY
1day SOMEBODY killed NOBODY.
At that time BRAIN was in bathroom,
MAD called police.
MAD:Is it police station?
Police:Yes,wht iz the matter?
MAD:SOMEBODY killed NOBODY.
Police:R u mad?
MAD:Yes,i"m MAD.
Police:Dnt u've BRAIN.
MAD:BRAIN iz in bathroom..
Police:U FOOL...
MAD:No,FOOL is reading this sMs

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A little girl fell into the Singapore River and was drowning. Father was crying, everyone was crowding but no one helping.

Suddenly an ah beng jumped into the river and started drowning too. Police came and saved the both of them. Police commended the ah beng for being brave even though he couldn't swim.

Ah beng said: "KNN, who push me!"

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do not make phone calls in the toilets.

One day a man went into a cubicle in a men's toilet to do his business. Suddenly he heard a voice from next cubicle saying:"hi, how are u?"

the man felt weird about having a conversation in the toilet, but he answered, "i'm fine" and the other guy says "so what are you up to?" the man felt very bizarre and said " just travelling". At this point, the man was trying to leave the toilet as fast as he could when he heard the other guy asked " can i come over??"

The man got freaked out and hastily shouts, "no, i'm busy right now!" then the man heard the guy say nervously " hey, i'll call you back later. There's an idiot here who keeps answering me!"

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小牛从小鸡家哭着回来，老牛吃惊见了问为什么哭？

小牛哭诉说被鸡妈妈和全家的鸡追着打。

老牛又问为什么被打？

小牛说，我只是向他们道别，哪知道全村的鸡都很生气。

“小鸡Bye！老鸡Bye！全部鸡Bye！”

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小强明天就结婚了，好紧张，问妈妈该做什么？

妈妈说：“你把你身上最硬的地方，撞进女孩小便的地方就可以了。”

小强好像明白了，妈妈也不多解释。

当晚，小强就把自己的头撞进马桶。

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Copy pasted from somewhere =)

One day late but...

Yesterday, the principal talked about the story of El Kapun ( thats what it sounds like to me) and somebody's old hair. Basically, its a story where El Kapun is an imba crime mastermind, and somebody's old hair is a defense attorney who helped El Kapun to escape punishment. One day, he decided that doing these, supporting an evil villain in the eyes of the world, just isn't right. And he has a son whom he don't want to corrupt,but wanted to teach integrity. So the plot went on like any cliche story and somebody's old hair decided to help the arrest of El Kapun instead.

What was going in my head was not how cliched that story is, though i can't blame it since its damn old, but rather ''wait a damn minute, you mean that bastard took El Kapun's money, acted like El Kapun can rely on him, then back stabbed El Kapun and got away with all the crap he helped.'' So didn't he like... benefitted the most? Money + no jail.

Not wanting to force a conclusion without further research, i Googled. And the results...

El Kapun -> Al Capone

somebody's old hair -> Easy Eddie, Edward J. O'Hare

According to wikipedia, ''O'Hare and Capone began collaborating in business and in law. O'Hare made a second fortune through his ties to Capone, but he grew tired of working with thugs.'' This means that O'Hare was even more of a bastard than i thought. Though to be fair, he was kind of forced to join a gang.

Now, according to another website.http://www.snopes.com/glurge/ohare.asp.

If you read it, its kind of pretty clear already. If you're lazy to read, just know that my thoughts were true. And ya, that integrity thing O'Hare wanted to teach? I don't see how it got linked. Maybe integrity has a different meaning at that time i dunno, but i'm pretty sure it doesn't involve receiving a large amount of money for doing dirty stuff, betraying the person who gave you those riches and escaping jail. A real good man would have thrown himself into jail and donated those riches. I'm also pretty sure thats what the most evil villains do; hide behind a weaker evil villain, then when the time comes, steal the spot light and take over as the REAL antagonist of the story. The best part? That main villain was publicized as a hero to the world.

A Question...

You are in a dramatic position where you are witnessing someone going to suicide. That someone has a knife in his or her hands, and is pointing the sharp end towards his or her throat using both hands. As you can see, both hands are full. You want to prevent his or her suicide. Analyzing the situation using your god speed reflexes and powers of time manipulation, you decided that you are able to prevent her suicide. You do this by:

1. Grabbing his or her hand, immobilizing him or her and preventing the suicide.

2. Knocking the knife out of his or her hand.

3. Be an asshole and do nothing.

4. Shout to intimidate, hoping to shock him or her to stop.

5. Grab the knife with bare hands like a man, enduring the pain while gore blood pours out of your hand.

6. Take out a gun and threaten him or her, using obviously not that suicider's life but your own. I don't want to know where you get the gun.

The most effective way to prevent his or her suicide... is number 5. It isn't because its badass, and shows people how man you are. Its psychology... The best way to prevent the suicide is probably number 1, because you don't wanna get hurt. (Unless your a masochist. Come to think of it masochists must die a pleasurable death since they gain pleasure from pain. Consider to convert yourself to one to make your death less painful next time.) But you aren't taking whats happening in people's mind.

If you think about it, most people when suiciding, face a great decision of whether to kill themselves or not. Fear is preventing that person from stabbing the throat. And people DO NOT want to die(what about masochists?). If people wants to suicide, there is a reason. The reason being having a screwed life. These people WANT to be saved by someone. By grabbing that knife, blood comes out. Unless you have a metallic hand. This blood shocks the person suiciding. It gives an image of what would happen if he or she actually suicided, and also because it shows him or her that you actually care. As an added bonus, you get to show off how badass you really are and your ability to resist pain.

Of course, in a successful attempt, there is NO showing painful face or wince or scream. If your a masochist don't show the ecstasy face. Mr bean faces do not work also.

SHIT! THATS SCARY! I'LL SUICIDE IF THIS HOLDS THE KNIFE WITH BARE,BLOODY HANDS

By showing that bloody hand, an unmoving serious and sincere face, the suicider is set to think again. ''Someone do care about me. Why is this person risking blood for me? Is it wrong for me to die?'' Ask yourself and your friends. If a friend were to say to you : '' Hey can you grab this knife like REALLY hard until blood gores out if i were to die if you don't?'' If all of the people gave you the longest finger on their hands, thats probably about 7 or 8 cm, or if they explicitly told you ''Fuck you'', you might find yourself... a little bit lonely. But the thing is, people would not do this if they had an alternative. People hesitate between these decisions of suffering pain for another. By showing no hesitation to grabbing that bloody(going to be) knife, you show that the suicider's life is worth saving.

The blood confirms the suicider's suspicion of someone caring. The more blood and the faster it comes out the better the effect here. Oh and finally,

LEGAL CLAIM: THIS BLOG IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY INJURING OF HANDS WHILE GRABBING KNIVES FOR ANY PURPOSES, SUCH AS SAVING LIVES OR PRACTICING(?) OR FOR PHYSICAL PLEASURES.

AGAIN, DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME, OR ANYWHERE ELSE FOR THAT MATTER.

The best way to insult someone

Today, the scripture reading in school went something like this. '' Mercy is not giving us what we deserve. Grace is giving us what we don't deserve.'' It was all okay here. Then he proceeded and said : ''We should all be graceful with our words we say to people.'' These 3 sentences summarizes and highlights today's scripture.

But whether intentionally or not(i'm hoping it is), no shit, he just made a way to insult someone the best way possible. And his spreading this message to the whole school. :)

Why they think its good:

We should all be like God. Grace allows for a society that encourages all, also removing all negative emotions that follow with words. It makes people feel better.

Why its really evil... :

What is the best way to insult someone? Insult them in a way that they don't know they got insulted, and thank you also.

Imagine applying this into everyday life.

''Congratulations! You got promoted!(but i'm just saying this out of grace. You really don't deserve to get promoted.)''

''You are handsome/beautiful/anything descriptive phrase.( Actually, you are ugly. You don't deserve to be called that but i'm just saying this out of grace.)''

The best part probably comes when they thought you were praising them. Then they thank you or blush and celebrate or whatever, while you laugh at them. Secretly. Quietly. Like an assassin...

The consequences does not end here. In a society already full of lies, this insulting method blurs everything that people say. You cannot know what is truth or lies anymore. Knowing that it is possible that everybody who praised you may actually all be insulting you instead will drive anyone insane. If you don't know yet, good for you. But you're still an asshole in everybody else's eyes.

I'm changed!

After being inspired by Onani Master Kurosawa, along with the aid of a friend ( whom i recommended the manga to, and also got inspired...), i've decided to change!....

...

Oh well not rly.

But he did persuaded me to go for a part time job with him. I don't know how it will affect my life but it does allow me something different to do. My friend decided that he will change his life by taking intensive tuitions and part time jobs. So i thought hard. How will this change my life? What is life really (no owl references here)? Is changing good? Whats the purpose of life?

Nobody will really know the answer...

And this owl confirms my answer. But hey, just when my friend persuaded me to work hard for my life. Look what i found again. 5 ways to get rich without a certain discernible skill.

Lets look at the options.

1. Sperm Donors

2. Street entertainers

3. Human Guinea pig

4. Dumpster diving -> Garang guni?

5. Beggars

Hey, if you did everything there, it totals to $187,000. If you are in the USA. Lets convert it to SG$... about 259000. Thats more than 20k per month. Holy. But lets take out street entertainers and human guinea pigs because street entertainer requires some skill and you don't want to die.

And life isn't all about successes! Look at this! There are cases where you fail so badly, you succeed.

Now i don't feel like changing my life anymore.

Manga review

One day, i was feeling bored(well actually i'm always bored), and somehow found this manga called Onani Master Kurosawa. Onani is the Japanese word for masturbation. That is not a typo(how the hell do you typo that anyway??) Alright just in case you thought it read it incorrectly, Onanism is the act of f**king yourself.

What the hell?

So why did i bother to make a blog post about this manga? Its not that i changed and suddenly decided to make this blog a hentai blog. Onani master kurosawa is about a guy who masturbates in a girl's toilet. Despite how stupid that idea is, i read through the end. Even though it was that stupid idea that led me to start reading it, it was nothing like its name. Its not hentai, of course. The story telling was great. This wasn't the first time i read something that started with a lame idea. The 1st was ''My balls'', a manga about a guy who has the whole world's fate lying on his balls. AKA testicles. ''My balls'' was ridiculous(though amusing...), so don't read it. Its hentai by the way.

Reading through the 1st few chapters was okay. It was amusing enough with that seriousness accompanied for the idea, along with the aid of some death note references. But it doesn't stop there. I was hooked on the moment i read halfway through the story. I haven't felt sad for a character for so long. (why, you'll see if you read the story) The portrayal of human emotions is excellent in the art. No pages felt like a waste, or awkward when you read. Its just smoothly leading you to the story.

I'm not going to spoil anything, since anymore saying of stuff will reveal much of the story, spoiling the experience. But i haven't seen a manga this good ( and its a doujin...just fanmade) even in professional manga. If i were to rate this manga, its either a 9.5 or perfect 10 out of 10. minus 0.5 because i have to find some faults and i'm finding it from... somewhere. If you are looking for a good manga with mature themes, this is it. It tells you a lot about change in life.

On a side note though, it tells me again that any stupid idea can be turned into a great story. And it proved my point that names doesn't really matter. If i ever see this in stores, i'll absolutely buy it. Its a fine masterpiece.

Farewell parties

One day, a secondary school friend told me that my secondary school principal is leaving the school. Then i looked at my msn list... and saw another friend gathering people for the principal's farewell party.

Then i thought... wait. So do they like the principal or not? If they like her, why are they celebrating her leaving? If they don't like her, it makes more sense to celebrate her leaving. But why waste time on somebody you don't like?

And... imagine if its this situation instead.

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MOE: Alright principal, you shall be moved to this some place that is not your old secondary school forever. You will never go back.

Principal: Alright. Time to spread the news...

Students: NOOO Y U GO!!!!11111111

party bla bla bla......... tears and blood flow out.... and the setting sun bullshit in cliche farewells...

MOE: We're sorry. We made a mistake. It was another principal who was supposed to do that...

Principal: ...... oh shit they already held a farewell party for me. How the hell am i supposed to go back... I'm not so thick skinned.

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As you can see, a farewell party sets up someone who is about to leave so that someone can never come back unless he or she has skin thicker than... regular skin. So the people who went to farewell parties are really the ones who show that they don't want someone to leave, but in their hearts they are happy that they never get to see someone ever again. (I cried at your farewell... because i was too happy!)

Dry runs... rehearsals...

Today, i thought about how sian it is to have dry run tomorrow. One thing that bothered me for a long time is that dry runs and rehearsals, despite what they are called, are not close enough to the real thing. And because they are not the real thing, people are not so serious about it. One indication is that here i am, blogging about how sian it is about dry runs. ( and you, my dear reader, is reading this lame blog instead of practicing)

So i propose... to make all dry runs the real thing.

The idea is that people will scramble to practice like shit since its the real thing, and not blogging or reading blogs. Imagine a scenario like this.

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''OMG OMG TMR OP LIAO!''

''quick practice! have rehearsal! NAO!''

'' dammit our script dam screwd up. kwik make changes.''

Day of OP...( dry run in disguise)

''And so.... blblblbl pera pera pera ....... thus ends our presentation. ty for ur time.''

Teacher: Alright class, see you all next week for the real deal. Its all a joke. This is just a dry run.

You can't legally hit me though so i'll take my leave now.

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Right. So everything is prepared already 1 week before. To make sure students don't forget their stuff suddenly, hide the real dead(date)line... Like say the real thing is the 11th. You tell them that its randomly chosen and it will be held on 9th to 14th or smth. This way they are forced to lose sleep over the real dead(date)line or practice like mad and lose sleep. Think it doesnt work? Think it screws up human morals or rights or smth? Think again.

They are already screwing up human rights and its working, dammit.

Think about why and how you go to school everyday... Did you lose sleep? Did they actually give you a good reason ( 'its for your own good/future' is not a good reason) to go there? Why does school aid your future? (because certain people say that grades are everything? no matter how much ppl emphasizes on non graded stuff, when included it will become grades dammit)