How long more?

... for do i have to continue this dead life? I feel dead at school. No thats wrong... i may be really dead at school. The only thing i sought for when at school. The only thing i long for... is home. Everything at school feels pointless. Everybody seems to be smiling and laughing. How much of these are forced? How much are faked? How much are to conceal their unhappiness? 

For what, do we continue if all we have is pain...

Will be pointlessness continue until i complete my education...

No. 

It will continue.

As long as i don't have money... these pointlessness cannot stop. Yet this pointlessness must continue. Because society demands it. Because society says that it brings us money. IF WE DO THIS POINTLESS CRAP, WE WILL BE RICH LIKE FUCK! Get a high paying job! Get high income!

BE RICH LIKE FUCK THEN USE YOUR MONEY TO GET YOURSELF A LIFE.

...What pointlessness... We do pointless things to continue doing pointless things. 

For what then, have i started to do these pointless things? Why have i not stopped? 

Do i like it?

What a foolish question... I HATE IT

I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT!!!!!!

Thats right... I am already dead.

The only place and time i feel at ease... Is when i watch the illusory world of stories. Ahh... How beautiful... the dreams... the emotions... the characters not present in this world... 

When will i join them? 

...

Never... until i obtain unlimited power... money... or when someone with similar thoughts gain them.

The people in this world... the modern world... have little dreams. They say they want to do those things... but those are mere wishes. Mere wants. Admiration. 

Definitely not a dream.

They find excuses to not pursue them. And yet even when it is obtained, their desire is not satisfied. 

When given unlimited power, they give up their dream. 

Right. What people wish for is money! And to obtain it, somebody else will have to lose it!

There is no turning back already. The world has wished for this... There is only 3 paths left for me to go. 

Continue this pointlessness and die pointlessly.

Continue this pointlessness, become one of the rich like fuck, end my own pointlessness. Then restart my own pointlessness. Then die pointless.

Obtain unlimited power. Change the world. End this pointlessness.

Note: This is not a suicide note, despite all the hints that seems like it down there... I would rather end the world then kill myself. Suiciding because of the foolishness of other people is stupid. 

I Hate School

It is not that simple as the hate a delinquent harbors against his/her school. Of course, i hold the same hate towards school. School is pointless! Waste of time! Waste of childhood! Energy! Money! Resources! People!

Every time i see charities building schools, teaching the children of those poor nations. I think. What the fuck? Just give them decent jobs. Teach them the skills required for the jobs and just skip school. Keep the money for making the school, give them food or something.

But, what does it mean to hate school? Why does school exist in the 1st place? The answer is simple. To allocate jobs to people with relevant skills according to their results. People have no dreams! No aspirations! They don't know what they want to do, but are forced to do so, and choose anyway! Why do we need to take so many subjects and not just one? Why do we study subjects half-assed then discard them when we get jobs?

Looking at the non-academic side, its a bunch of bull-shit as well. Moral education? Just pushing their own beliefs on how we should live on us. Is this not a form of brainwashing?(not that it succeeded) Comments on your character from your teachers? Merely a bunch of words. Words can be beautified with sufficient skills of language. Easily. For example, what is an over-ly obsessed fan of a certain music group called? A pervert or retard. In other words, he is ''passionate about music'' and ''makes the time and effort to fervently pursue music''. What is CCA achievement? Leadership skills? You think your achievements on such a small scale actually matter?

Enough about schools. Then, why allocate jobs to people? Because the world has to progress with activity and people need to live. Why can't we just give jobs to people then? Why do we need to live? How are we going to live? Money.

Money.

Money!! Yes- the root of all problems lies here. And why did money exists? 1st, people shared. As they grew uglier, people want to keep something for themselves. It was no longer ''you need it, i give you la!''. Its ''you need it, you BETTER give me something i need.'' Then butter trade. Then stones as exchange. Then money.

Which means, my hatred for school is not to just the institution itself. It is to hate money - to hate mankind itself! Humans are ugly! Selfish! They weren't able to trust each other, giving birth to unnecessary conflicts and stuff.

Why waste resources on military forces? Why, when people are teaching and telling us that it is right to donate to the poor, money is NEVER eliminated? Because, the purpose of money reveals the truth! People inherently wants to be better, stronger than others. When donating, you never donate half your assets. You donate a fraction. Then, you go back home and waste more than you just donated. Why, i don't hear the most powerful people devoting at least half their assets but only a mere fraction to aid others? Why, do i get the feeling that the most generous people are poor? Because money, is less of a part of their live.

Why do people steal? Rob? Kill? Make meaningless conflicts in the name of religion! Territory?!

If only, i had unlimited power or money...

...

Foolish human beans...

Another Strange Dream

In my dream, i was reading a novel in my bed. That is nothing special, but why does it feel like i was really reading the novel? I can remember that every word of the novel was read out. The sad thing is, like all dreams i forget more than half of them the moment i woke up. So i don't really remember the words! But it feels like a professional writing the words. At least in the dream. How can i think of professional words when i'm not professional? Is it because its only a feeling(no words are actually read out...)? Is it because i am pro?

Because i woke up, i forgot most of the story already. The only thing i remember about the story is that :
1. It is interesting. Enough for me not to want to wake up...
2. There are 10 creatures or 6 (i remember these 2 numbers appearing, with 6 appearing at the last page of the chapter). They are 10/6 different characters. Of which, 1 is a zombie. 1 is a vampire. The rest.... i don't remember. Waking up sucks. If only i can write out the novel as i dream.
3. The creatures are somehow linked together(duh, its a story). Could be a house, or whatever.
4. The creatures shouldn't exist in this world (anymore? i can't remember if its 'anymore' or 'in the 1st place').
5.  The creatures are probably the only ones in the world?
6. They, somehow have 6 descendants who are about to be in the REAL story.
7. I was reading the prologue of the story.
8. Somehow, the prologue of the story seems to be a mix of a prologue AND the author's words, commenting on why the creatures were created by the author and etc stuff on why the author didn't do other stuff.
9. I don't remember the cover of the book nor the title...
10. I remember something about foolish Italian(actually, i don't really remember the country. It could be even somewhere that doesn't exist) women drinking wine to find that the wine contains something. (its a 2 word phrase that isn't in English. The me in my dream who was reading it thinks its a bomb, but later thought that it could be poison or drugs.)

Exactly when i finish reading the 1st chapter/prologue/author's words, close the book, and ready to sleep. I woke up. The timing was too perfect. It is as if someone planned this dream.

Then i woke up IRL, thinking what a dream! I must write that novel! But my memory doesn't allow me to do that because more than half of the dream is gone.

Who planned that dream? Is it my inner conscious wanting me to write a novel? Is it the ghost of a novelist possessing me to give a dream to write his novel? Is it the future me doing something to make my dream appear like this? Is it an inspiration some godly power gave me to ask me to write the novel?! All points to asking me to write it!!

I need to sleep! To read the continuation! To make this dream true! I'll post chapter 1/2 on this blog when i read it in my dream again!

...................

Like that could happen...