Haiz

Maybe because i don't sleep enough. Maybe because i matured. Maybe because i'm bored... I started to feel emotionless towards anything this eyes and body encounters. Strangely, this emotionless feeling is present even when i show any emotion on the face. How to say this... The feeling is just like that of just watching another person. I feel like i'm living in the wrong body. Every time i look at the mirror, i suspect if i am even looking at my own face. 


Even when i'm thinking to myself, i feel like a different person in my mind. But come to think of it, how am i to know if this is a sort of dissociative identity disorder? And of course, being the person i am, i searched the internet. and HOLY CRAP! Look at this and this! Look under symptoms of dissociative identity disorder. And the 2nd link ... if your lazy to click here it is:


Depersonalization (or depersonalisation) is a malfunction or anomaly of the mechanism by which an individual has self-awareness. It is a feeling of watching oneself act, while having no control over a situation.Sufferers feel they have changed, and the world has become less real, vague, dreamlike, or lacking in significance. It can be a disturbing experience, since many feel that, indeed, they are living in a "dream".


I am pretty scary... Being able to predict my own sickness before it gets worse...  Let's take another highlight to symptoms of dissociative identity disorder.

• Multiple mannerisms, attitudes and beliefs that are not similar to each other

This, i feel this all the time. This i suspect is the exact reason why i failed my GP. I think one idea and the next idea contradicts the 1st.

• unexplainable headaches and other body pains

I feel this time to time. But its not unexplainable. I need more sleep...

• distortion or loss of subjective time

This scary shit is happening to me this year. No, rather it happened since school started when i'm dunno how many years old. It worsened last year. And this year is worse than last. Whenever i reach home from school and slack around... i then look at the clock and realize its 11pm already. 

• depersonalization

Look at the 1st paragraph of this blog post

• derealization
Derealization (DR) is an alteration in the perception or experience of the external world so that it seems strange or unreal. Other symptoms include feeling as though one's environment is lacking in spontaneity, emotional colouring and depth.

Yep, exactly what i'm feeling. Look at the 1st paragraph again.

• severe memory loss

It's pretty severe. No matter how many times i look at my organic chemistry notes, i always seem to forget them. You can tell me something 5 seconds before and i will forget it. This forgetfulness is also part of the cause that this blog hasn't received much posts this year. I forget my inspirations.

• lack of intimacy and personal connections

• auditory hallucinations of the personalities inside their mind

Remember how i said about whenever i'm thinking to myself, how would i know its not a split personality? What if it is? Then congratulations to my other personality who never talks to me. You have dissociative identity disorder and so have i.

Conclusion: It's confirmed. I have dissociative identity disorder.